


Lost Details

by InterNutter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Bawdy joke in the middle, Excessive Drinking, Gen, mention of underage shenanigans, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 21:31:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12566636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterNutter/pseuds/InterNutter
Summary: When you don't know that something is missing, it can have wide-ranging and long-term effects. And even with an artificial absence, some things still stick.





	1. Taako

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Adventure Zone: Balance Arc belongs to the McElroys. This just belongs to me.

Of all the horrible processes in the Bureaux of Balance, files and paperwork had to be the  _ worst _ . Taako was amenable to the portrait for the files. His beauty should be shared with the world.

It was filling in all the other stuff that sucked.

The clerk looked over his paperwork and said, “You’ve left some things blank.”

Taako rolled his eyes. “Ugh. Here we go,” he muttered. Louder, he said, “Just a few things that don’t matter, my dude.”

“Your family name?”

“None. Orphan of wars. Never learned it.” He leaned companionably on the counter and pretended his allies were not staring at him like he’d just sprouted a doppelganger out of his fabulous hat.

“And your birthdate?”

Taako shrugged. “Never important.”

“Do you at least have a ballpark figure?”

Taako had to think. Years passed, and the same old shit kept happening. “Remind me. Which century is this?”

“It’s the Century of the Concussed Stoat.”

He did math on his fingers. “Forty-third year of the Century of the Turnwise Rabbit. Just put down midsummer if you need a day.”

“Whoo. You’re a  _ young _ fella,” murmured Merle. “You’re technically the baby of the group.”

“Don’t start anything you’re not prepared for, old man,” growled Taako. “I still have a spell slot or two.”

“All those years and you never had a birthday party?” said Magnus.

Taako shrugged. Already on the way to the next part of the process. “Honestly. It’s not worth it to try and throw me one. Nobody’s ever made my premier debut a big deal and that’s the way it’s going to stay. End of fucking discussion.”

And that was it.

Until Angus came on board.

The first clue should have been that Angus came up to him with a huge grin. “Sir! Sir! I think I’ve made something you might be proud of, sir. In the cafeteria.”

They had been cooking together lately… but after the latest survival lessons, he thought that little brat would avoid him for at least a couple of days. Curiosity overwhelmed his pretense at distaste and he trailed along in Angus’ wake.

“Another work of genius a la Ango?” Taako enquired.

“Oh yes, sir.”

Aw. That was almost so cute that he wanted to throw up. “So what’s the genre, little man?”

“Pastry,” said Angus. He pushed open the door.

It was a three tier cake. Surrounded by a surprisingly large crowd of Bureaux employees. Who all cheered.

The cake declared, _It’s Taako Day!_ and a banner above said, _Happy Taako Day!_

“Happy day, sir,” said Angus. “It came to my attention that you’ve never had a celebration of your life to date.”

“Not much to celebrate,” said Taako. “And when I find out who arranged this, I will burn them slowly.”

“Might I suggest you start with my cape?” said Madam Director. She was standing behind him.

He whirled. “This is completely unnecessary. I don’t need this. It’s a waste.”

“Considering your successes, and the number of times your team has dragged you back for the healers? I thought it was high time you got more than a fantasy gatchapon token as a reward. To let you know you’re appreciated. Despite your… sometimes deplorable attitude.”

Taako feigned distaste. “Fine. You’re spared because you sign off on my expenses forms. But the offer’s still open to anyone who sings Happy fucking Birthday.”

Angus lead him to an improvised throne, and added a cheap but gaudy paper crown to Taako’s trademark hat. Everyone was here. Everyone was happy. Everything was… good.

Despite all of this, he couldn’t escape the feeling that something was missing.

He didn’t let on. Of course.  _ He was a performer _ . If he couldn’t fake gracious acceptance and sincerity, then he wasn’t nearly the Taako everyone knew and apparently loved.

The Umbrastaff on his arm trembled for him. It didn’t seem to be acting up in any of the usual pyrotechnics, so he let it be. And when nobody was looking, he petted the handle that was clinging a little too tightly to his arm.

_ Something’s missing _ , he kept thinking. It buzzed around his head like a mosquito after the lights have gone off.  _ Something important _ .

The presents were mostly garish jewellery. Magnus had carved him a jewellery box that was predictably waterfowl-shaped. Merle gave him a potted herb. Coriander.

“I catch you chatting this up, you’re a dead Dwarf,” warned Taako.

Any response to that threat got drowned out by the growing chant for cake. There was pageantry in the presentation of the cake knife, and he made a show of going to cut the bottom tier.

The world dropped away without any warning.

Something was  _ wrong _ .

Something was  _ missing _ .

Something profound and immense as the sun, but unnamable and intangible. Something  _ important _ , he could feel it in his soul. Something huge and essential and vital and its absence  _ terrified _ him. The fact that it was that important and he couldn’t think of it was almost gut-wrenching.

“Sir,” said Angus’ voice, far on the other side of a long tunnel. “It’s okay. You had nothing to do with this cake. It’s safe food.”

He felt his mouth shape the words, “Two right hands.”

And there was a right hand on top of his. Warm. Just resting there.

Taako could breathe again. The world rushed back and the right hand on his was Davenport’s. Behind the Gnome, Madam Director had a hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes.

“It’s…” her voice cracked. “It’s his birthday too.”

Two right hands made the first cut. It still felt wrong, but it was…

It was right  _ enough _ .

Taako retreated to the throne and let other people dissect the cake. Hid his face from everyone with the brim of his hat. 

Angus noticed in a cold second and came up to whisper, “Are you okay, sir?”

He was still trying to steady his breathing. “Dunno,” he said. This wasn’t the first panic attack he’d had. It certainly wasn’t the first he’d had in  _ public _ . And it wasn’t the first he’d had around people he knew. Usually, open hostility was the best mask to cover it, but this time… that was beyond his reach.

“Do you need someone?”

His head spasmed in a ‘yes’ before he could think about what that meant. He knew he needed someone, but that someone… was someone he couldn’t name.  Brought a return to the abject terror that had him frozen and hiding in the first place.

“Magnus?” guessed Angus.

“Fuck off,” muttered Taako. There it was. If he could be mad about it, he could be haughty. And if he could be haughty, he could pretend to be his usually acidic self. He straightened up and readjusted his hat. “I have what I need, now.” He absently patted Angus’ hair as he stood.

Full theatrics. Demanding the spotlight. “I thought that  _ I _ was the one who got the cake first? You can’t have this party without Taako, you can’t have  _ cake _ without Taako.”  Full performance mode. Be the Taako that he has taught everyone to expect. “It’s  _ my _ day. You all should be buying me drinks. The most expensive ones on the menu, of course.”


	2. Lucretia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bawdy joke, horrible pun, and implied fellatio mention within.

It was later, and Taako was very drunk. Lucretia kept holding her tears at bay. She was the only one who remembered. She was the only one who knew.

This was not a Taako extravaganza. This was not the way he celebrated. This was not the usual week-long fiasco that only the twins were capable of.

_ That only the twins were capable of _ .

Oh gods. This was it. She was witnessing yet another scar of the surgery she had performed on his  _ entire life _ . She’d been such a fool. She thought it would be better if he didn’t remember Lup. She thought it would be a  _ mercy _ .

She’d hurt him so badly and there was no going back. It was for the safety of this world. It was for the only hope she had. It was for the long game.

Davenport patted her arm soothingly. “Davenport,” he cooed.

Lucretia looked into the uncomprehending eyes of the man she had ruined the most. “Oh captain, my captain,” she whispered. “What have I done?”

“Are you okay, ma’am?”

Shit. The kid was still awake. She put her veneer on in seconds. “It’s fine. I’m… fine. I’m a sad drunk.” Lucretia gestured with her cup. Surely Angus had not been paying attention to how many  _ everyone _ had had. “I’m just a little in my cups. Absent friends.”  _ Keep it simple, Luce. The worst liars are the ones who keep explaining. _

Taako was holding court with some huge frou-frou drink in one hand. “Nonono, I had a very…  _ very _ misspent youth. My education was -uh- self pursued.”

Oh Gods, he was going to tell the  _ Key Lime Story _ . This was not for young ears. She’d been twenty-one when Taako told it to her and it  _ still _ made her blush.

“You know elves m’ture physically at th’ same rate as humans. Uh. That was… that was… that was a bit of a revelation. I thought it was gonna be a…. slow saunter through puberty. No. No-o-o thing like that for Taako. I got the fuckin’ hormone freight train.”

Laughter from the adults. She had to save this little boy, and fast!

“Y’ gotta picture it. Eighteen years old. Horny as fuck. Baby gay Taako… hustling just to  _ eat _ . I’d just scored big in the monetary sense, and I knew I had to- had to, uh, scratch that itch. Big time.”

Shit.  _ Shit! _ He’d skipped straight to the whorehouse. He usually spent an hour dragging everyone through Lup’s impromptu  _ change of life _ party. But that part of his history wasn’t there, any more. Lucretia stood, a little unsteady. Used her staff to help. And gently... firmly gripped Angus’ shoulder. “I think it’s time you should turn in,” she said. “Taako’s stories are… not safe for young ears.”

“When you’re a street rat, you hear things. You get to know things, whether y’ should or not. You know? So I knew the house of  _ best _ repute was the Cat’s Fandango. I think it finally burned down, in the end… Uh… But no teen in existence has ever marched up to a place like  _ that _ like ‘whaddup I got a big cock’.” Laughter from the audience. “It’s always skulking in like it’s their first heist, face like a fucking stop light. Praying to all the  _ gods _ nobody they know sees them. And everyone and their kid brother’s  _ dog _ knows what’s up.”

“Ma’am, I think I might learn something from this story, though.” Ye Gods, he had his little notebook out.

“No,” she said. “No, no, no, no,  _ no _ .” Lucretia hustled him towards the door. “There is such a thing as  _ too much _ learning. You really shouldn’t be listening to Taako’s stories until you’re thirty.”

“So there I am. Baby gay. Face illuminating the foyer. Running an order through most of the -uh- the -uh-  _ P G _ stuff. The concierge knows what’s up. The guy mopping the floor knows what’s up. They’re just like,  _ biding their time _ and waiting for this little baby gay me to get to the important stuff. Which I finally do. Awkwardly. Like, ‘um… um… um… and -uh- Passion Paradise?’ They had luxuries listed that were like, uh… fuckin’  _ cocktails _ . In more than one sense of the word.”

Angus was furiously scribbling.

“And then I finally blurted, ‘andIwannamantolookafterme’. Just. One fuckin’ word. I could have spontaneously fuckin’ combusted, y’know? Silence. No laughing. No judgement. No hellfire. My dick didn’t spontaneously drop off like the -uh- street preachers kept saying. So I peek. And the fuckin’ concierge is handing the janitor fuckin’  _ five gold pieces _ .”

The door cut off the raucous laughter, and Angus was still taking notes. “Wow,” he said, “I didn’t know that there was more than one meaning to the word ‘cocktail’.”

Lucretia sighed. “And it’s really better that you still didn’t.” The tears she didn’t want to shed in public were leaking slowly out, now. Another life ruined by her actions. But she could save it. She could fix it. She could protect this entire world.

They could hate her for it afterwards. When the Hunger was vexed and starving and unable to get the Light. Ever.

“I still don’t see how visiting a house of affordable affection is linked to key lime go-gurt, ma’am.”

Lucretia hustled him towards his quarters just that little bit faster. “Better that you don’t know.”

Why, why, _ why _ had she not also allowed the Key Lime Story to vanish into the voidfish’s obfuscating ichor? Because it was an important part of his life,  _ just like Lup _ . Because it was essential to his development,  _ just like Lup _ . Because she couldn’t erase it and have him be him.  _ Just. Like. Lup. _

“What kind of libation would be available in a place like that… that Taako would want to obfuscate so desperately that he would mess up a spell?”

Maybe it was too much wine. Maybe it was too many painful memories. Maybe it was the fact that she wanted to forget  _ too. _ Maybe it was that Angus, bless his little cotton socks, reminded Lucretia too much of herself at that age. Always wanting to have all the answers in case she was quizzed at a later date.

But she swore she heard it when she snapped.

“Stop asking me questions! Don’t you think I hate knowing everything? Don’t you think I despise having to keep secrets? Don’t you think I’m  _ sick _ of watching them  _ die _ ?” The dam she’d held steady for so long burst in an ugly cascade. The next thing she knew, she was on her knees and bawling into Davenport’s shoulder like she was five years old all over again. She had a white-knuckled grip on her staff. She dared not let it go. Ever. Lest it enthrall someone. “Gods, I hurt so many… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry.”

Angus had his hand on her shoulder. “Ma’am?”

Lucretia wiped the blurring tears from her vision. And saw a frightened little boy. She struggled for control and barely grasped it. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. So much… so much has been done that… that I can’t undo. I’m… I’m responsible for all of it. And I can’t… I can’t…” Sniff. “I’m a horrible person, I’ve done horrible things. You should not put me on a pedestal, Mr MacDonald.”

“Maybe you should turn in, too, Ma’am,” he said, helping her up. “I can tuck myself in, no problem. I’m even used to it.”

Ouch. He really  _ was _ a lot like herself. “Promise me you’ll actually  _ stay _ in bed? I don’t want anyone else hurt, becau--” her voice failed her.

“I will stay in bed, ma’am,” said Angus. “And I will stop by your office tomorrow to make sure you’re okay. I think we need to talk.”

“Tomorrow,” she said, half-heartedly planning to be busy. She watched Angus take the path that would lead him to his quarters. And then, possibly out of a form of self-masochism, returned to the party.

Taako was winding up the Key Lime Story. “It worked. It tasted like key lime go-gurt and I was able to swallow like a big boy. And I learned everything I possibly could from that man, that night. Much to my enthusiastic enjoyment. And I- and I didn’t even notice for  _ four months _ . I was scamming ration packs off of the street charities because the waters were infested with cholera at the time. And because scurvy was a problem, they put this key lime go-gurt in the packs. It was all I drank. And then I broke into this house and helped myself to their cellar. Summer wine. I popped the cork. Poured myself a glass and just… savoured the aroma…”

Lucretia stayed out of sight behind Taako’s court. Mouthed along to the words she had once been thoroughly scandalised by.

“Took a sip, and realised to my immediate horror,  _ it tasted like key lime go-gurt _ . It was supposed to be a one-day spell! And given the number of times I’d had a Remove Curse done, if you know what I mean… I could pretty much guess that it was permanent.” He had a different drink, now. And was starting to get sloppy. “But that’s the way of it, sometimes.”

Lucretia held her breath. It still made her blush, after all this time. Here it was. The Punchline.

Taako took a long, theatrical swig. Licked his lips. Took a proclaiming pose as if he were revealing a secret of the universe. And  _ said _ it.

“Easy cum, easy go-gurt.”

Screaming hysterics. All through the audience. Even herself. Gods. He was  _ awful _ .


	3. Angus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus realises something is up, and begins finding holes in the stories he's told.

The day after the revelry before.

Angus wore soft-soled shoes and tried his utmost not to make them squeak as he made his way through the bureau's campus. He’d been present during and after some rowdy parties, and knew what a _sunglasses day_ was. And therefore, he was kind to those who were suffering.

Taako had made it three quarters of the way across the quad before he had given up on moving as an idea. He was sprawled prone on the grass with his hat over his head and his Umbrastaff clutched tightly in one arm as if it was a teddy bear.

Angus planned to leave him alone. People were rather abrasive on sunglasses days. But then the Elf moaned and muttered an oath. He had to help, now. He went up to the fallen hero and tilted the hat up on the shady side. “Sir?” he murmured. “Will you be okay?”

“Oooowwwwww… too bright…”

Angus, anticipating more sprawled survivors than just Taako, dug a pair of sunglasses out of his satchel. Elf sized. Nice and large to protect those sensitive eyes. “These might help, sir.”

Taako’s free hand trembled as he took them. “Ooooooghh. I’m dying. I’m dead.”

“You’re just hung over, sir.”

He curled in on himself. “Tell it to my ghost…”

Angus sighed. He couldn’t just leave Taako like this. Especially not in the full sunshine. He was already dehydrated enough. “I can brew you up a remedy, sir. It will help you feel better.”

Taako whimpered. “Did I… Did I tell _everyone_ the Key Lime Story?”

“I missed out on half of it, sir.”

“Oh gods…”

“And so did Madam Director.”

“Oh _gods_ …”

“Though she seemed to know about how your stories go…”

Taako lurched upright… ish.. And seized Angus’ lapels. “Never get that drunk, boychick. Promise me. _Never_ . Get _that_ drunk.” He winced like his toes were being slowly cut off. “Y’do terrible, horrible. _Horrifying_ things.”

“All things considered, a tall tale is small beans, sir.”

Taako was unsteady on his feet, but the Umbrastaff made a decent cane. “Mnh… you haven’t _heard_ that story. And I pray you never do. It’s probably gonna be office goss for a bit. Shit. You’ll hear the highlights, anyway. Ugh. Ow. You said there’s a remedy?”

“Yes, sir. And I can be really quiet brewing it up for you, too.”

“Bless you, my sweet little innocent child.”

It was his grandfather’s recipe, and Angus could brew it silently. Just enough salt. Just enough honey. Lots and lots of water. And a squeeze of lime because of the vitamins. And ice.

“...loud…” complained Taako as Angus slid the glass to just under his mouth.

“Sorry, sir.” He helpfully moved the straw around. “Just sip, sir. And there’s a carafe for refills. Grampa always had three or four of these on a sunglasses day.”

Taako sipped. Murmured in appreciation. Gulped down half of it and seemed vastly improved. “Holy… whoa. What do you call this?”

“It’s Grampa’s recipe. He used to hunt alligators in the fantasy bayou, back in the day.”

“Hmm… alligator tail’s a very tasty meat. Heck, one time I--” Taako stopped himself. “I’ll tell you that one after you’re twenty. Probably _way_ after you’re twenty.”

“He’d brew this up and take it with him so that he wouldn’t get sick from drinking swamp water, or get headaches from sweating out too much salt. Grampa said it helped him immensely.”

“Sweet story. What’d _he_ call it?”

“Gator-aid, sir.”

“Catchy,” murmured Taako. He swigged down the rest and refilled the glass.

Angus left him to it, and ran a little to make it to the Director’s office in time. Everyone was moving a little slower, today. And even Madam Director had sunglasses on and a painful way of moving.

“And I thought answering your questions would bring _less_ trouble,” she moaned.

“I heard pretty much enough during… during your rant. I can deduce a lot.”

Madam Director sighed. “Tell me what you know.”

“I don’t really _know_ much," he said, “but I have deduced a number of things from your… speech. Last night. In the process of building the Bureau, you must have suffered incredible losses. I know there’s only one team of Reclaimers who can bring back the grand relics. There must have been hundreds of others who went and failed. Who… went and died.”

“I have seen many deaths,” Madam Director. “Too many deaths. Too much devastation.”

“You’re the founding member and lady in charge of everything. You’ve had to do a lot of things that were against your personal moral code. You have a lot of regrets. And you keep a lot of secrets.”

“True,” she allowed.

“You’ve spent a lot of time and effort on this quest to isolate and destroy the Grand Relics.”

“Again… true.”

“If that bothers you, ma’am… And I think it does bother you… perhaps you should consider the Sunk Cost Fallacy.”

Madam Director’s face went unreadable. “I can not, in all good conscience, simply leave these relics out in the world to cause even _more_ pain and strife. This… this is the lesser of two evils.” Her grip on the staff tightened. She was rarely without it in her hand. In fact, on the occasions when she didn’t have it, it was locked up behind an abundance of security measures both magical and non.

_Much like the relics in the wild._

Angus felt a chill overcome his spine. She had said there were seven relics. The reclaimers had gathered four of them. And yet, the outstanding ones numbered _two_.

There should have been three.

She must have caught him staring at the staff. “Yes. I _was_ able to overcome the thrall of the Bulwark Staff in my younger days. We are still working on creating an elimination sphere large enough to contain it.”

And keeping it in her possession or under strict security was the only way to stop it from becoming dangerous. “I hope the research is going well, ma’am,” he said, vowing to head down to the Research Department and get them to show him their best projects. People liked showing off to a curious and bright young child.

“It’s going… variously,” she allowed. “Have I answered all your questions for now? There’s still so much to do.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am.” And by her leave, Angus went on with his day. Verifying the truth behind this organisation. Things were not adding up in the Bureaux of Balance, and he aimed to find the missing figures.

 

END!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came up with Taako cuddling the Umbrastaff before I tripped over Blizardstar's thing over here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12494744
> 
> But it's a great idea :D


End file.
